Figuring it all out

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a Fed Up moment. You know the kind. When you've been pushed to your limit by a number of challenges all handed down one after another and you've suddenly run out of the ability to see the humor in any of it and you want to lock yourself in your apartment and never come out again. Maybe you don't. But I've had a couple like this in my lifetime. The event that pushed me over this particular edge was a denial of funding for my much-anticipated return to school this fall. A denial that not only meant I will not be able to return to school this fall, but may have meant I would have trouble returning to school any time in the near future. This seems like something most people would just maybe shrug off and shelve for another, more economically friendly time but I was not in the mood for shrugging. After so many years of just talk, I'd finally decided to take the leap and randomly choose something, ANYTHING to study that would inspire me and give me some idea of what I should be doing with my life. Finally, I was setting off on a path that would lead me to......something. Something where my energy and skills can be used to contribute in a positive and productive way. And for an absolutely ridiculous reason, I was prevented from taking this important step with my life.
During my last major Fed Up moment, a friend of mine said to me that, once I figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, I will most likely realize that was right in front of my face the whole time and I'll want to kick myself for not figuring it out sooner. A few days ago, I ran into one of my ex-students. She was a middle-schooler when I started teaching her and is now 19, auditioning for music school and recently released from a 3 month treatment program for an eating disorder. I knew she was sick. A few months before she quit lessons, I could see the all too familiar signs of an unhealthy young person. I didn't approach her parents about it as I didn't feel as though it was my place to do so. But I can't help but wonder what I as a mentor and teacher could have done to help her before this thing came and took away part of her life. Then it hit me. When I was teaching, my students were (and still are) some of the most important people to me. While I couldn't protect her from getting sick, I can learn how to counsel other young people who struggle with eating disorders. I have my own experience with an eating disorder, I have enough experience mentoring young people to know I enjoy doing it and I have a strong feeling that this might be what I've been walking toward in my life so far.
So yeah, I kicked myself a little. But at least I know why I was given a little extra time to figure things out before diving head first into directionless schooling. I have a lot of research to do and a few other things to figure out but I'm pretty sure this is what I'm supposed to be doing, at least for now. And although a little bit terrifying, it feels really good to finally have some direction.