On inking

As some of you already know, a little over a year ago, I got a tattoo. A large one. And, although I'd wanted more ink for the almost 9 years since I got my first tattoo, this was a pretty spur of the moment decision when it happened. I found the design, its meaning(s) fit exactly what I was looking for and I knew right away that, should I get another tattoo, it would be what I wanted. Add to this the fact that a coworker's daughter is an incredible artist who specializes in nature themes (birds and trees mostly) and all the elements came together at once. Within a couple of weeks, (and 71/2 hours) I was stamped forever.
Most of the time, I love it. The remaining time, I either forget its there or feel very, very self-conscious about it. This latter feeling stems from the same superficial place I continue to struggle with and fight to rise above in my life and eventually, it goes away and I'm back to feeling like I made the right decision. However, because of the fleeting moments of self-doubt, I decided that it would be the last of my body modification.
But, here's the thing. I've been dreaming a lot lately. And in those dreams, I have another tattoo. Its always the same, very specific design and its always in the same spot on my arm. The dreams have various different meanings of their own, some that are silly, some that are dark, some that make me check the corners I'm rounding very carefully, some that make me scratch my head and some that I've actually been able to act upon. But no matter what the meaning, I always have this tattoo. This has to mean something. And it has to be deeper than me just thinking it looks cool. So, I'm not really sure what to do. On the one hand, I think the dream design is beautiful and would actually have it done and on the other, I have this nagging, general self-consiousness that sometimes cripples my ability to function as a normal person and I don't want to necessarily add to that. There is meaning in the design that fits perfectly with where I am in my life. There's also the question of whether I should be spending money that I've been saving to pump into New Zealand's economy. But there are also credit cards. And I am young.
I've made a rough sketch of the design and for now, I think I will carry it around with me for a while to get a feel for it in my waking life. For me, every decoration I have means something. Whether its been a time of turbulence, change or epiphany in my life, I have a marking of some sort to remember how it affected me and made me a stronger, better person. Maybe I'm simply meant to remember this time in my life. And maybe its time I start following what my dreams tell me. Whatever my decision, I will most certainly let you know.