Lists Lists Lists

Somewhere along the line, they started to take over. It was harmless at first....I started forgetting things I needed when I went to the grocery store, I kept forgetting to do laundry or clean the dishes or mail my Netflix. Then, it became the need to remember birthdays and special anniversaries. Next, I would need reminders about what was going on evenings during the week or things I needed to do at work. Now, they're everywhere. On note cards, old stationary, the backs of envelopes that bills I need to remind myself to pay arrived in. They litter my desk, my table, the floor, the pockets of my jeans. They've gotten washed, stepped on, rolled into balls of paper and made into cat toys. They stick up on the fridge, clutter my purse and the passenger seat of my car. Do this, do that, preferably in that order. The most disturbing is when they started making up the majority of my writing. Lists of interesting things about me, lists of things I'd like to write about, lists of character names and places they may live. Lists of books to read that will help me get better at writing. Lists of books to read for fun. Lists of movies to see and music to explore and on and on and on.....
I don't know the exact moment but at some point, I went from being someone who would set one lofty semi-attainable head-in-the-clouds kind of dream for the future then pine for it to someone surrounded by the to-do of everyday things. The thing is, I think this might just be an improvement. I think this because most of the time, I actually follow them. I don't usually finish everything they tell me to but the important ones, the ones with the anniversaries and events and music and books on them, I am always checking those. They're teaching me to take little tiny steps and find encouragement in the accomplishment of everyday things. They're teaching me to try things. Take a risk on this album or go to that gallery and see what I can learn there. They keep me going by reminding me that after a shitty day at work, I get to go do this or that with my friends. They keep me organized and help me remember that, while learning to conduct an orchestra would be great, the cat box needs to be cleaned as well. (And preferably, right away).
The truth is, I like the everyday things. I like enriching the time I used to waste with hard work and good people. I like not constantly feeling as though I should be planning out an elaborate and glamourous future. Mostly, I like the fact that the attention to daily living and exploring has led me to where I am right now. Planning too heavily constantly made me feel inadequate. It kept me from looking up. I'm not saying I don't still want to someday own a house or finish my degree but I am saying that if I stick to this kind of work and follow these lists and learn a little discipline while maintaining an open mind and a desire to examine what makes up the day, maybe I won't feel the need to always think that happiness lies only in the things I may never have.